Television Nirvana

If you're like me and scratching your head in puzzlement over why a subpar actress best known for an angsty teen soap and conning the public about her sham of a marriage with a hyperactive Scientology nut of an actor was invited to be a presenter at the Video Music Awards, two words.  Tom's checkbook.  Really, isn't that how Katie Holmes gets all her parts nowadays?  We know it's not due to her talent (acting, singing, dancing - - does homegirl have any discernible talent other than shopping or eating cupcakes?) and I don't think threats will work at this point given that Tom doesn't have the power he used to.  But he does still have some bank and I'm guessing that he's spending a pretty penny to try and make Katie Holmes happen. Newsflash, Einstein.  It ain't gonna happen.  First, Katie Holmes is too fricking old.  At least in Hollywood terms.  She's 32, which is ancient to an industry and city that thrives on youth.  If you haven't made...

to be taken as a serious ly raging heterosexual actor.  In case you hadn't heard, and I'm sorry to ruin the happy-go-lucky place you were in if you hadn't, Tom has been cast as aging 1980s rocker Stacee Jaxx in the film version of Rock of Ages .  For reals.  When I first heard this I thought it was a joke.  Tom Cruise as a rocker, aging or otherwise?  Tom Cruise singing?  Like not lip synching to Bob Seger while wearing Ray Bans, an oxford shirt and tidy whities?  And then I thought maybe this was the perfect role for him because Stacee Jaxx sounds like a gay porn star.  I know, I know.  They are totally ripping off Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue.  Maybe a real life rocker could successfully pull off a character named Stacee Jaxx but Tom Cruise?  So because Tom cannot stand it if "leaks" from the set aren't telegraphed immediately to the media, we hear that he's been working with Axl Rose's vocal coach.  So much confusio...

For so many things, really.  For the shamarriage with Tom Cruise, for the inexplicably bad fashion sense but today, I want an explanation for Dizzy Feet Foundation. If you don't know, Katie is a spokeshole for the Foundation which claims to support underprivileged young people in their dreams to become dancers and improve dance education here in the U.S.  Producer Nigel Lythgoe, director Adam Shankman, and  Dancing With the Stars  judge Carrie Ann Inaba round out this "founders" quartet with Ms. Holmes-Cruise.  Hmmm, which one of these is not like the other?  So last summer Katie borrowed a pair of Tom's dancing tights and painfully sashayed her way across the Dancing with the Stars stage, in an alleged homage to Judy Garland to highlight Dizzy Feet.  If anything, it was a hatchet job on poor Judy, whose reputation has really suffered enough, don't you think?  And rather than highlighting Dizzy Feet, I think it showcased why Katie Holmes-...

I'm not sure if it's the horrendous fashion (if you consider my grandmother's floraly bedspread fashion) that is severely taxing my brain or that Katie Holmes was invited to participate in Variety's 2nd Annual Power of Women Luncheon.  Let's start with the attire, shall we? I think I had a pattern very similar to this back in the 80s.  Yes, that decade of Ronald Reagan as president, MTV playing actual music videos and truly godawful fashion.  Where on earth did Katie dig up this roadkill apparel?  The floral pattern is literally about to send me into a seizure it's so busy.  And what's with the fit?  Did she get the dress caught in her bra?  Wait, is she even wearing a bra because those girls look awful droopy and lopsided.  The black hose and shoes are dreadful.  This is a luncheon , girlfriend . . . that usually means light colored shoes and no dark hose!  Tom didn't train you very well.  I know when he has his all girl (translat...

There is probably more false press about Suri Cruise (Suri is studying acting!  Suri is a natural athlete!  Suri is Tom Cruise's child!) than any other pseudo-celebrity child on the planet so I generally take everything I read with a grain of salt.  However, when the "news" is about the excessive sums that Tom Cruise and his hired robot Katie Holmes spend on the child, I tend to believe it.  The most recent newsworthy (hah!) tale is that the Cruise-azies have spent $6,000 on a princess outfit for Halloween for The Amazing Woman (what Katie called Suri in an interview when Suri was less than 2 years old).  Allegedly Tom made arrangements to have a one of a kind princess outfit made for the spoiled 5 4 year old.   Wonder if Tom had a matching princess dress made for himself?  Or maybe he took the idea for Suir's dress from his own? Anyhow . . . what a bargain!  $6,000 for a dress that Suri will wear for a couple of hours, once....

Does anyone still believe these two are “real”? Is it any coincidence that Katie has a film coming out ( The Romantics ) and suddenly we see her, with her “amazing” husband, on the red carpet? When was the last time these two were seen together? . . . (crickets) . . . Anyone? . . .I’m waiting . . . Exactly! Exhibit A.  Photo to the left.  Nevermind how horrible Katie looks – - although I do wonder how someone with Tom Cruise’s black AmEx card and plenty of stylists available can continue to look like fashion roadkill. Who on earth told her it was cool or trendy to pair beige shoes with black hose? And if this crazy woman tries to tell us one more time that her fashion felonies are a result of the ever resourceful Suri choosing her clothes, I'm going to scream.  Good God! Look at Tom. He sure is enamored of his wife, isn’t he? Sure is attracted to her. Because most men would keep their hands safely crammed in their pockets if they are truly in love with their ...

Tom Cruise lover that I am (my eyes are rolling so far back in my head right now I can actually see why my neck has been hurting me this week, as well as the fact the picture behind me is a bit crooked), imagine my delight at seeing the trailer for his upcoming piece of crap Knight & Day on You Tube.  Go here to watch it.   I warn you though - - Cameron squeals, Tom runs, Cameron screams, Tom breaks something.  Probably the story of his shamarriage to the Robot Bride. Is anyone going to see this?  Really?  Besides the fact that the storyline that I could actually pick up seems like day old rehashings and Cameron Diaz is one of the most annoying actresses on the planet, is anyone willing to fork hard earned money over to fund Tom's craziness and his cult?  (Because make no mistake, a good 40% or so of any money Tommy makes goes right into the offering plates at the good old Church of Scientology).  And check out the poster - - seriously?...