Television Nirvana

Okay, so I watched Toddlers & Tiaras this week.  Had heard about it, heard in the past that it was a pedophile's dream show, how they exploited kids, blah, blah, blah.  I was channel surfing and there was nothing else on so I stopped.  And watched.  Stunned. Do parents like these really exist?  WTF is wrong with them?  And how on earth does a 2 month old baby win a pageant?  The least amount of drool?  Best pacifier?  Carried the best by parent?  I'm confused.  But I digress. Apparently the format is that each episode follows several kids and their severely in need of therapy parental units as they prepare for and then compete in some type of child's beauty pageant, with the end of the show being the crowning of the winners. This episode of T&T  begins with the unforunately named Brystol of Lexington, South Carolina who is 18 months old and has supposedly won top prize in every pageant she has compet...

Steven Woods - Wrongfully convicted I can't believe I have never heard of the injustice done to Steven Woods before but, as they say, better late than never.  If you haven't heard of Steven Woods, check out http://www.texaskills.com/ .  Be prepared to feel a mixture of shock, dismay, outrage and disgust.  . Steven Woods was convicted of capital murder in 2002 for the shooting deaths of a Denton, Texas couple and was sentenced to Texas' Death Row.  From the moment of sentencing, Mr. Woods has been in solitary confinement - - no phone access, no computer access and no human contact.  Is this normal?  Does Texas normally keep its Death Row inmates in solitary confinement?  Anyhow, there is no physical evidence that ties Mr. Woods to the scene.  A latex glove the prosecution presented to the court, claiming his DNA was on it, has been tested and guess what?  No DNA match.  This glove was stricken from the court's protocol, wh...

Let me start this post off first with a disclaimer.  WE TV is not CNN.  I think we all know that.  After all, this is the station that brought us Bridezillas , the show that would happen if Jerry Springer, the Kardashians, a whole lot of alcohol and some serious bitchery were to spawn.  However, when I first heard of Downsized , a show that premiered last summer, I wanted to give it that good old college try because the circumstances seemed especially fitting given the economic craphole this country seems to be falling into. If you haven't heard of Downsized , the show is about a family who, having lost "everything" due to the economic downturn, finds itself having to downsize in all aspects in order to survive.  I thought the show would be helpful not only in that "we're not the only ones in this boat" way but also maybe light some creative fires for those of us who were looking for ways to conserve and save money. Negatory!  This show is nothing lik...

If you're like me and scratching your head in puzzlement over why a subpar actress best known for an angsty teen soap and conning the public about her sham of a marriage with a hyperactive Scientology nut of an actor was invited to be a presenter at the Video Music Awards, two words.  Tom's checkbook.  Really, isn't that how Katie Holmes gets all her parts nowadays?  We know it's not due to her talent (acting, singing, dancing - - does homegirl have any discernible talent other than shopping or eating cupcakes?) and I don't think threats will work at this point given that Tom doesn't have the power he used to.  But he does still have some bank and I'm guessing that he's spending a pretty penny to try and make Katie Holmes happen. Newsflash, Einstein.  It ain't gonna happen.  First, Katie Holmes is too fricking old.  At least in Hollywood terms.  She's 32, which is ancient to an industry and city that thrives on youth.  If you haven't made...

Sitting like a lady . . . Will?  Earlier this week, courtesy of In Touch , stories were circulated that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith were separating.  Not massive news, I grant you, especially given the report that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  Yes, 50%.  That's a pretty sad commentary on our society today, isn't it? What I found interesting about the alleged Smith/Pinkett-Smith separation was that Jada Pinkett Smith is probably the most vocal celebrity when it comes to declaring how amazingly wonderful their marriage is and, in particular, how active and satisfying and nonstop their sex life is.  This amount of oversharing is generally a big old red flag that when someone finds the need to overshare and overcompensate, they are making up for something.  As my grandmother used to say, those who talk the most, get the least.  Or, thou doth protest too much, in a sense, Jada. I'm not saying that Will and Jada didn't have the ...

August 19, 2011 was a joyous day for many reasons.  It was Friday.  School starts this week.  And Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jessie Miskelley, also known as The West Memphis Three, were at long last released from prison.  After nearly eighteen years.  We supporters have been saying for years that The Three at the very least didn't get fair trials and at most are flat out innocent of the murders they have been accused of.  Freedom from incarceration has been the main goal for years and I am thrilled that the day finally came last Friday.  It is discouraging, however, that Damien, Jason and Jessie had to take an Alford plea in order to secure their releases.  In other words, they had to admit that the State of Arkansas had enough evidence to convict them in a retrial while still maintaining their innocence.  The State of Arkansas, totally speaking out of their ass, claims that they indeed have enough evidence to re-convict in a retrial ...

to be taken as a serious ly raging heterosexual actor.  In case you hadn't heard, and I'm sorry to ruin the happy-go-lucky place you were in if you hadn't, Tom has been cast as aging 1980s rocker Stacee Jaxx in the film version of Rock of Ages .  For reals.  When I first heard this I thought it was a joke.  Tom Cruise as a rocker, aging or otherwise?  Tom Cruise singing?  Like not lip synching to Bob Seger while wearing Ray Bans, an oxford shirt and tidy whities?  And then I thought maybe this was the perfect role for him because Stacee Jaxx sounds like a gay porn star.  I know, I know.  They are totally ripping off Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue.  Maybe a real life rocker could successfully pull off a character named Stacee Jaxx but Tom Cruise?  So because Tom cannot stand it if "leaks" from the set aren't telegraphed immediately to the media, we hear that he's been working with Axl Rose's vocal coach.  So much confusio...

therealstevegray.com Charlie Sheen wouldn't know a real goddess if she came up and bit him in the ass, or told him flat out like it is.  Exhibit A.  Betty White, beloved television icon.  Betty doesn't have time for ungrateful assholes like Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen.  As Betty told The Daily Mail :  "They party too much, don’t learn their lines, are unprofessional and they grumble about everything. I think they are terribly ungrateful. I cannot stand the people who get wonderful starts in show business, and who abuse it. Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, for example, although there are plenty of others, too. They are the most blessed people in the world and they don’t appreciate it."  Preach it, sista!  WINNING!  And yes, that's a dig at you, Charlie Sheen.  No comment (yet) from Mr. Tiger Blood so maybe he did leave half a brain cell behind but that vast fountain of drugged up knowledge, Lindsay Lohan, had to run to E! ...

No comments please about how I don't have a life because I love The Real Housewives franchise.  Miami was a bit of a disappointment - - Elsa, I loved although her face looked like a Jim Henson creation; Marysol was sweet; Alexia harmless; Adriana conceited and I don't think anyone needs to see her cooch more than her gyno; Lea the queen bee; and Cristy and Larsa are mean girls who both think they are much more attractive and sexy than they really are.  But my disappointment with the show is in the past because New York is back, baby! If you don't recall, at the end of last season Kelly appeared headed into a Willy Wonka type land, complete with gummy bears, singing Oompa Loompas and a belief that everyone was out to get her.  Her appearance was mercifully kept to a minimum last week, although she did seem confused as to what "metal box" Jill was referred to being uncomfortable being stuck in for hours while traveling to Australia.  Yes, people.  Kelly has repr...

Photo c2011 Ann Lawlor/Showbiz411 Well, this is about as surprising as Lindsay Lohan failing a drug test.  Mr. Tiger Blood appeared at Radio City Music Hall on Friday night.  He was half an hour late.  Frankly, I'm shocked he wasn't tardier.  According to Roger Friedman, who was there, the theater was empty enough that he could move down from Row T to Row RR, to seats on the aisle with plenty available around him.  Apparently patrons began booing Charlie from the beginning.  The "show" consisted of an interview with a friend and some rerecorded answers to Sheen's previous interview with ABC's Andrea Canning.  I smell a threat of a lawsuit in 3 . . . 2 . . . According to Friedman, despite the prodding from his "friend", Charlie couldn't come up with any gossipy stories and appeared listless and uninterested.  When the audience heckled him, he cursed at them.  He did inform the audience that he's had lots of sex with l...

Yeah, I was scratching my head too and doublechecking my calendar to make sure it wasn't 1998 and Katie Holmes was still assaulting my tv as Joey Potter on Dawson's Creek because this award makes absolutely zero sense.  Annette Bening receiving a Women in Film award.  Check.  That makes sense.  And it's well deserved.  Bening has been nominated for an Academy Award four times.  Okay, okay, Katie has appeared in films.  To great critical disdain.  She has appeared with some Hollywood heavyweights but she has consistently been called the weak link.  Since marrying the Crown Prince of Crazy, has Katie had to work for a role at all?  So how did Katie get this award?  My guess is that within the last month or so, Tommy slipped on his high heeled white tennis shoes and ran those little legs over to the closest Scieno bank to take a big bag full of money to someone in charge at Women in Film.   I am...

So do you watch any of TNT's shows?  If you don't at least catch  The Closer you should rethink your viewing habits.  Yes, it's that good. So this summer, TNT is unveiling a few new shows.  One of them is Franklin & Bash .  If the show itself is half as funny as their promo ads, this will be a runaway hit.  I plan on being there anyhow - - I love legal shows and I love Breckin Meyer.  He normally plays the goofy fuck up but this time it looks like he'll be the "straight" one to Mark-Paul Gosselaar's womanizing cut up.   And finally, F&B   is filmed in my hometown of Atlanta, G-A.  Sweet!  Will you be there in June when Franklin & Bash makes its first appearance?

This was far and away one of the best episodes ever.  EVER.   Every one of these heifers TM Phaedra let their snark out for some air.  Except for Kandi.  She's no heifer but she can bring the sarcasm as well as the next person.  NeNe needs to be under anesthesia each and every week.  Girlfriend is much funnier and more relaxed when she's got an IV drip.  Comparing herself to Michael Jackson after the rhinoplasty was a hoot and wasn't so far off the mark.  And being worried that she would look like Dwight after the surgery - - ha!  Sheree's talking head during NeNe's surgery was priceless - - if she got cosmetic surgery every time she had marital troubles, she'd look like Dwight.  Phaedra continues to be an absolute gift - - of course she would tell you that herself because she shoots rainbows and sunshine out her butt when she's not too busy accessorizing her fifteen month pregnant self.  She has surpassed Sheree in...

If you're not watching Detroit 1-8-7 , you should be.  This is one of those shows that has a lot of promise, that works really well now and will only get better over time . . . but gets almost no marketing and no push from its network.  Those bastards.  I have dealt with this in the past with NBC (Nothing But Cancellations) - - remember Journeyman ?  The Black Donnellys ?  My Own Worst Enemy ?  All shows that had interesting concepts and could have really been developed but were cancelled in their first seasons.  Shame, NBC. I hope ABC doesn't follow suit with Detroit 1-8-7 .  If you like dramas that involve police investigations, Detroit 1-8-7 will fit the bill.  Michael Imperioli, late of The Sopranos and Life on Mars, helms this show as Detective Louis Fitch and while I haven't always been a huge fan of his, he nails this role.  Without him, this would be just other generic drama but he brings so much depth and interest to this ...

Boy, TPTB at Bravo are busy little bees, aren't they?  I, for one, am glad because now we have two disastrous train wrecks to watch! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is what this franchise should be about - - excess!  Everything in excess!  Money!  Narcissism!  Crazies!  Cosmetic surgery!  These ladies bring it all - - and no "for show" like other Ho'wives (yes, I'm looking at you, NeNe and Sheree from Atlanta).  New Howife Adrienne lives in a 19,000 square foot house.  Beat that!  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how much freaking furniture that would be.  Anyhow, Adrienne is rich.  Filthy rich.  She lives in a gated community in Bel Air and she's part of the Maloof family and her husband is a Bev Hills cosmetic surgeon.  Despite what Dr. 90210 has done to her face (and not his own) she is very likable.  She is also tough, which she proves by flipping her trainer's son over in a karate-like move....

Seriously.  What else can be said about last Thursday's episode other than the fact that Caroline is quite simply the most bad ass vampire on the show?  And for a show packed with delicious characters, that says a lot.  This episode was all Caroline's, from her super human snooping at the Founders Day picnic to her handily kicking Mason's ass to her takedown of Stefan's and Damon's captors, including her own mother.  No, it certainly doesn't get yummier than this in Mystic Falls.  Truth be told, I didn't like Caroline at all the first season.  She was a whiny, indulged and indulgent princess and I coun't understand what Elena would see in her.  What a difference a bit of Damon's blood, along with a suffocation at the hands of Katherine, does for a girl.  Sure, she can still be a bit whiny.  After all, being turned does make those character quirks a bit stronger.  But girlfriend has some backbone and I can't wait for the day she ...

So this episode is called "The Bachelors" and the burning question in my mind is . . . since when did high schools host charity events that involved auctioning off male students for dates?  Such things never happened when I was in high school but it seems to be the norm around Beverly Hills. Anyhow . . .I need TPTB to explain to me why they hate Adrianna so much and what her purpose on the show is.  She was so much more exciting and interesting back in the first season when she was a doped up former child actress who gets knocked up in rehab.  Her storyline is so boring now that I find myself more interested in checking my hair for split ends when she's on screen.  Soooooo . . . . Javier's sleazy uncle is now blackmailing Adrianna into being her manager since he knows she stole Javier's songs and all after he became a human panini.  Adrianna, instead of maybe telling Laurel about the whole stupid mess simpers and whimpers and lets Sleazy Uncle take 80%....

Oxygen has renewed Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood for a sixth season.  Wow, can't believe this "reality" show has been on for five seasons already.  And yes, I have watched it from season one.  Don't hate.  So successful is the show, apparently, that Oxygen has offered the duo a second show.  This one is called sTORIbook Weddings and Tori and Dean put their questionable skills to use as wedding coordinators. Look, I have liked Tori since her days on Beverly Hills 90210 (again, don't hate) and her first reality show So NoTORIous was freaking hilarious.  So tragic that it only ran for a season.  Girlfriend can poke fun at herself and I truly admire that.  She seems like she would be a fun person to go shopping with (providing that she's picking up the tab, of course) or go have a drink with.  Would I trust her with my husband?  Hell, naw.  Will you watch sTORIbook Weddings ?  Will you watch a sixth season of To...

Did anyone watch the premiere of Law & Order: Los Angeles last week?  I did and I was heartily disappointed.  The premiere epi seemed disjointed and it just lacked that Law & Order feel that made the original show such a success.  No familiar opening montage with the "In the criminal justice system . . ." and "DUN DUN".  And the characters just didn't gel for me. The show's second episode, airing last night, fared much better.  The writing was more cohesive and there was a better flow to the show.  I liked the overall story which centered on the murder of a former cult member who had been imprisoned since the late 70s for some brutal killings and was released on a compassionate basis as she had been imprisoned for three decades and was suffering from cancer.  Sound familiar?  If you're a true crime buff, it should.  This was taken from the Charles Manson case (although those murders happened in 1969) and the massive press surroundin...

Photo Source:  DListed Thanks to Michael K at DListed for the head's up on Jeremy Sisto's birthday today.  It's the big number 36 for Mr. Sisto, who was one of the best parts of Law & Order .  Sigh.  I loved me some Law & Order .  Just thinking about the idiots at NBC who killed this show to bring on the lukewarm Law & Order: Los Angeles makes me cry like Dina Lohan every time she sees Miley Cyrus on a tabloid cover instead of one of her cash cows.  Speaking of Law & Order: Los Angeles , can Detective Cyrus Lupo please pack his bags, grab his dog and move his sexy detective act to LA?  I like Skeet Ulrich and the bald guy who was in the last Mummy movie but something is missing from this new offshoot.  I'm thinking we need a familiar face - - and maybe a good writer.  Here is the birthday boy in an obviously old PHO-to ( TM Tyra).  I'm not sure which scares me more - - the thousand pancakes and the scary pattern i...