|The lovely Melissa|
Photo Source: WETV.com
First, she claims to be 23 and I always find it interesting that most of these chicks look older than they claim to be. I'd like to see a birth certificate before I agree to that. She also claims to be in medical school, which is really funny considering (1) Melissa seems to have an awful lot of free time on her hands, to bitch, whine, complain and threaten to kill people and (2) for someone who claims to want a career saving lives, she sure talks about taking a lot of them. (Case in point: Melissa, concerned that she won't be happy with her wedding cake, tells the camera that if the baker screws it up, she will kill her and eat her).
So . . . Melissa and her oh-so-whipped intended Chris had been dating all of four months when Chris decided that he had to have bitch and nag in his life permanently. I jest not. Melissa complains, name calls and shows nothing but contempt for the man she will soon be promising to love and honor until death do they part (likely his, given her verbal track record). Chris seems like a nice enough man who could certainly do better than this BOW (bitch on wheels) but I figure he must have suffered some terrible accident that resulted in the loss of his spine and testicles because I really have no other idea why he would be with Melissa.
We (me and the probably one other person watching this mess) are "treated" to Melissa screeching at Chris about his drawing abilities while Chris attempts to work on the reception seating chart and berating him while he glues rhinestones on to her wedding shoes. She also tells the camera that this will be her "first marriage" and hey, if it doesn't work out, they can always divorce. A ringing endorsement for their marriage, don't you think?
The best part of the two episode arc was the actually wedding. Many brides have a drink or two to steady their nerves but not Melissa! Homegirl starts tippling while her hair is getting done and she's so enraged over the cost of her makeup (hey, it's expensive to color up fugly) that she does a shot or twelve. No, okay, she doesn't actually do a shot until she's en route to her ceremony on a golf cart but before that she drinks like a dirty sailor on leave after a year at sea. Girlfriend is literally drunk by the time her sure to be embarrassed father walks her down the aisle . . . where she stumbles up to her awaiting groom and tells her maid of honor to "hold this shit", meaning her flowers. Nice! She is so completely intoxicated that I am surprised the minister married her. She slaps her groom's hands away when they are exchanging rings and when they are heading back down the aisle after Chris is pronounced Melissa's victim and bitch for life, she tells one of the ringbearers to move and get out of the way. The guests look appropriately horrified. It's one thing to tie one on during the reception but, really, what do you do when the bride shows up tanked before anyone else has a chance to take a drink?
Crazy Melissa cements the "drunk" label by loudly bellowing to her guests that they need to come in to the reception where there is free alcohol. Party! Again, the guests look appropriately horrified. And this woman is supposedly in medical school? Bitch, please.
During the confessional at the end, Bitchzilla is still relatively tanked, complains about the centerpieces, the flowers, rips off Chris' boutonniere, states they are married (duh!) and she has to wear a ring now (said with a deep sigh) and forewarns others to not do it. Probably good advice for Chris. Good luck there, buddy.